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Unbelief and Belief in God and Words

Nathan Aaberg —  February 29, 2024 — Leave a comment

So I’m back.

Last year, as I’ll describe in a future blog, I worked two demanding jobs for two non-profits in the food and farming field. This squeezed the rest of my life. Even though I continued to think about all things Creation every day, I took a break from the blog to leave room for my family and my health.

And to be very candid, even as I took a sabbatical of sorts, I questioned whether I should continue to make this blog a life pursuit. Was what I was writing, I asked myself, significant to anyone else?

Adding further sharpness to that question was turning 60 and experiencing the limits of my constitution in my working life. I ran into my limits while appreciating more acutely that my life itself had limits. That created habitat attractive to other questions and doubts.

What do I want to give my energies to going forward? Is diving into the ideas that this blog has been my exploring the right thing to invest in? Or should I devote more energies to acting in the world out of my faith for Creation?  

Even deeper questions, questions I thought I had long ago resolved, surfaced.

Do I believe?

Am I willing to rest my life choices and convictions on commitment to God and Jesus? And if I am, how does it make sense to do so?

How, I sometimes wonder (and you may find this heretical), could God choose to give us the Bible as we have it as a major revelation of himself when it can be read so many ways and when there are threads within it that can be woven in many varieties of cloth? Why do so many of those varieties of cloth result in Christians who believe God created this world and then treat it, collectively and individually, with so much indifference?

The following tweet by a thoughtful rancher and land steward out West encapsulated it all perfectly. You can tell from her words that she has met many people of the Christian faith who are completely indifferent:

I am horrified. I know that you are horrified. But if you went to the average church and expressed your horror and asked for prayers for Creation, they would literally not know what to do with you. 

 

But Here I Am Paying Attention

When I find myself asking all of these questions, I am a little envious of people whose faith in God and Jesus seems so secure, deeply rooted, and unshakable.

I believe. Yet I need God’s help with my unbelief.

After 60 years on this earth, I am more convinced than ever that there is more to life than the random interaction of atoms. I also find myself compelled (and I can find no other word for it) in heart and mind by the Bible and the God I find there and by that same God I find reflected in Creation. I find myself captivated, thanks in part to The Bible Project, by how the whole Bible fits together and by how Jesus fits within that whole. 

I have also come to understand this after ten years of writing — any attempt at weaving the threads of the Bible together into a satisfying and whole cloth depends on you and I really paying attention. This applies to Creation and much else that relates to how we live faith-lives.

All too often we don’t actually see what is in front of us, around us, and even inside of us. We get carried along. Sometimes we are carried along by our busy-ness and our eagerness to get on to the next thing. Sometimes we get carried along by what we expect to see or experience. The culture in which we swim and breathe can blind us. The theologies we have been taught can cause us to miss things or interpret things in a way that isn’t fair or respectful to what is right in front of us.

I believe, too, that is very possible for us to have hearts that have gone numb. We can no longer know at a deep level what really gives us life and energy. The capabilities we have that come from being made in God’s image can be covered up by the habits we fall into. Confusing the Christian faith-life with pledging alliance to the correct theology can be one of the most effective blinders to actually paying attention.

Often we need to look anew and question anew. We need to pay attention to all that is in the Bible, in Creation, and in our hearts. 

 

A Signpost in the Psalms

I recently read through all of the Psalms. It was not the first time, but in the process I saw new things I had not remembered before. Here is just one of many verses that struck me:

Psalm 145:16 

You open your hand; you satisfy the desire of every living thing.

The desire of every living thing – from fish and birds to moss and plants and even lichens – is something the Bible is mindful of. Any theology that ignores the desire of every living thing is inherently incomplete. A Christian faith-life that ignores the desires of the living things around us is unwhole.

And I would be so bold as to say that its incompleteness is not just equivalent to a puzzle missing a minor piece on the edge. It is like an engine missing its valves or its gas tank. The absence actually causes the whole not to work.

As Wendell Berry wrote, “We are are holy creatures living among other holy creatures in a world that is holy.”

Are you aware and thoughtful of the desires of every living thing? How do we balance those desires with our own lives, much less our civilization? It almost seems too much to bear. At the very least, it should force us to question how we and our community and our economy and our laws relate to Creation.

Maybe that is the role of people like me, people who live in both belief and doubt. Maybe we are here to pay attention, to balance off people so set in the narrower tracks of their faith and lives that they no longer pay attention to the world and the many subtleties and cross currents of both the Bible and Creation.

And perhaps we are in the better place to respond (as I did) to Ariel and say, “Yes, you are right. This is a precious world. And yes, I am horrified and feel despair about what people have done to God’s world. And, no actually, I can’t really explain why other people who believe this is God’s world don’t care. But the fact that they don’t care doesn’t mean God doesn’t care.”

 

Do I Believe in Words?

I sat down to write this with a general but fairly good idea of the parameters of what I intended to write. But as I let myself write, ideas and thoughts emerged that did not fit into my initial mental outline. This is when writing becomes even harder. You want the process to be smooth and predictable. Instead, you find yourself wrestling and slogging. 

And why engage in that struggle? Why does one combination of words formed from a 26-letter code seem more right than another combination of words? Why do they matter? Don’t real tangible things – like trees, houses, computers, etc. – matter more?

Maybe that is one more reason why I question this blog writing and even my desire to write a book. Maybe what I really question are words themselves.

Do I believe in words? Do I believe that words matter?

Because of how much I care about God’s earth, I’ve tended to see the production of words as somehow a lesser form of action than actually changing how God’s earth is treated. After all, if matter matters, shouldn’t I be devoting time and energy in the world of matter? Planting trees. Restoring wetlands. Farming in ways that produce nutritious food while renewing the life of the soil, of landscapes, of water?

Ironically, I like words. I love to read, especially books with a skillful and lyrical approach to words and ideas. I find a certain kind of felicity from using words in writing and speaking and especially asking questions. I felt I could not not write this blog, which seems like something you could call a calling for words.

So why would I devalue what gives me pleasure and that allows me to create with God’s help?

Perhaps it is partly because my calling, the fact that I cannot look away from God’s earth and see it treated so indifferently, is all about tangible life around us. 

So I’ve meditated further on words. And I’ve begun have a better appreciation for their deeper value and importance beyond the obvious value of communication.

Note that in Genesis God uses words to interact with matter, to call upon it to move from a state to another, to develop boundaries and to bring forth new complexity. I would suggest this is both command and invitation that gives matter direction but also creative freedom. 

And isn’t it interesting that humanity’s first work – the naming of the animals – is creativity with words? 

Words can be used for evil and wrong. That cannot be missed in the Bible. By words, you will know the intentions and state of the heart of the people around you.

Note, too, that in the Bible words have power even when used by people. There are blessings and curses. The power of the Spirit at Pentecost is revealed by an explosion of ability to use words and languages. 

One of most astonishing elements of the Gospel of John is how it labels Jesus as Word. And somehow through Jesus the Word all things are said to have been created. And in this Word-figure all things on heaven and earth will be unified and brought together in some kind of cosmic shalom. Not only will that mean an absence of conflict between people and between people and God. It also promises to be the whole connection of the whole universe. God, people, and Creation will not just have an absence of conflict but will be in joyous union and flourishing.

From all that, I’ve come to believe that words connect and they shape reality in the world itself. They have power. They are tied into the deeper structure of the universe. In a flight of fancy I even see the parallel between how the Bible depicts the creation of humanity – the merging of breath/spirit and matter — and what words themselves are – the merging of spirit/thought and the vibrating molecules all around us. 

 

At Home With Words and Deeds

I admit that I am out of my depth here. Probing the metaphysical meaning of words is a good indication that one is not in Kansas or normal company anymore. I even feel a certain self-consciousness about being so candid about my doubts and my tendency towards this mysticism. 

But at the edge of certainty and feeling alone in my convictions, I feel a surprising settledness. It is as if I have climbed to the top of a ladder with nothing to hold onto with my hands. Yet, I stand. My legs feel solid and well-braced. Even as my head says I should feel fear, I find my body balanceing. My arms no longer seek security but they do not know what to do with themselves. And yet I stand.

The purchase of balance I have comes from things that are not enough in themselves to give 100 percent stability and security.

The mysticism I find true and that resonates with what I encounter in Creation is, I realize, Biblical.

I cannot imagine not writing, not engaging with words in other ways. I need also to act beyond words, but words are also my way of acting.

I have believed what I have written. I have found belief, perhaps my own unique belief, through what I have written.

I have received emails from readers thanking me for particular blog posts. That is something.

I am coming to accept that I am who I am and that God’s abundant love is all around me and everyone  and everything. And that following what is my way, however modest it may be, is what I should give myself to. I cannot be concerned about what my particular impact is. 

Being faithful and faith-full is what I need to be about. And part of my faithfulness is to be candid about my doubts even as I proceed.

There are many more ideas and topics I want to explore around whole faith faith-lives. I also want to share more of the stories of Jesus followers (and others) who are striving to live out a whole faith. I need to wrestle with what it means to be faithful in a whole faith way in the midst of increasing climate chaos. Somehow I will find the time to do that.

Look for more blog posts to come. Look for more words.

 

P.S. While I was not writing this blog, a number of people found my blog and signed up to receive updates via email. Thanks very much for that. I also received a few direct emails expressing thanks for particular posts. I’m very grateful and pray that your convictions around cherishing Creation will grow stronger. I pray, too, that you will find others of faith who share those convictions. And not every post is so long. 🙂

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Updates, Downdates, and Other Thoughts

Nathan Aaberg —  June 30, 2021 — Leave a comment

One of the challenges of writing a blog is feeling at times like one is writing in a void. I write words. Are they read? If they are read, do they catch? Do they find traction? Do they add anything to the reader’s life? I am forced to ask sometime, “Why do I write?”

When I started writing this blog all the way back in 2014, I literally could not not write.

I had to get my thoughts and perceptions out there. There was a fire in my belly. I had, perhaps like many introverts, many things I had thought but had not expressed. But I found I needed to express them. And I needed to examine and explore why I thought keeping God’s Creation was somehow essential to the Christian faith-life. Was it essential? My heart said yes.

I have since had the opportunity to meet remarkable Christians through this blog and to understand at a deeper level how Creation is interwoven through the Bible. I have seen how keeping Creation in an attentive, focused way grows one’s “faith muscles” and one’s love of God. This has been a blessing. I hope it has been a blessing for you in some way as well.

I still have the fire in the belly about Creation. It is, I am convinced, full of the glory of God. I am still amazed by the things I learn about how Creation works. Its mysteries and patterns will fascinate me to the end of my life and, I pray, beyond that. I still find my heart broken and angered by how Christendom as a whole accepts violence and diminishment of the life of God’s earth and even condones it at times. I am grateful for my wife Mayumi and her insistent voice that Creation matters.

Is this a calling? I don’t know. I do know I seek a more specific, rooted calling, a way to do the most I can for God’s will for Creation and people to flourish in a particular place. I sense I am at a transition point which I cannot name.

Below I will share some thoughts and impressions from this moment of my life. For someone raised as a Midwestern Lutheran, it feels a little too self-focused. But I hope it may resonate in some way with you. I would certainly welcome any wisdom you might have to offer.

1. A spiritual challenge I face is that I do not belong to a community of believers. Yet, I find more truth and beauty and conviction in the Bible and the words of some saints of our tradition than I ever have before. Tim Mackie and The Bible Project are great blessings right now in seeing consistent and beautiful patterns throughout the Bible. Priya Parker’s book The Art of Gathering actually gives me some ideas about the kind of worship gathering that might resonate for me and others. I’d highly recommend the book.

2. A blog post coming in the next month or two will be transcription of an interview I did with John Kempf. John Kempf is one of the leading voices and practitioners of regenerative agriculture. He also happens to be a brilliant Amish Christian. I’d highly recommend his podcast (start with this episode). The way he combines a deeply spiritual understanding of how God’s earth works with a comprehensive, scientific, practical mindset amazes and inspires me.

3. I continue to work on a novel that incorporates themes that I have written about here and that I see in the Bible. Are there parallels between writing a novel and being a Christian? One I’ve found is that writing a novel is completely different than trying to outline it and plan it in theory. Just like there’s a difference between reading about following Jesus and actually trying to do it. I’ve had to learn to not try to control the narrative. I’ve had to be OK with starting writing sessions not knowing where things would go. And I’ve found I’ve had to face my own weaknesses, even my weaknesses in understanding how people actually think and feel and how the world works. It’s humbling, very humbling. One needs grace. God works through our weaknesses as we read in 2 Corinthians 2:19. Maybe when life is easy and smooth, we’re not actually putting ourselves out there enough for what God wants us to do?

I’ve also been struck by how hard it is to write of faith and life and the significance of Creation without making the narrative chock full of theology. And it’s occurred to me that perhaps Christendom has devoted way too much energy to theological disputes. It’s actually a mindset, this dwelling on doctrinal borders seems to be a cultural way we often do the faith. What if the Amish concept of ordnung (a collection of unwritten guidelines for all parts of life) was applied in some hybrid way to Christians of a particular community so that how we lived was as valued as what we believe?

4. Want to read to a challenging novel? Check out Kim Stanley Robinson’s The Ministry for the Future. It has all kinds of insights about climate change and what people will be like when facing the consequences of a world made more chaotic and dangerous by forces that could have been prevented. A question that is often asked by characters in the book in different ways is, “If we looked at our situation from the future, what we should do is so obvious. So why don’t we do it?” What is the answer for Christians and churches? Maybe this is a world-wide version of the situation the good Samaritan faced. Maybe doing life and church as usual is the wrong thing. Maybe acting like this is an emergency and stepping out of our comfort zones is the right thing.

5. Today, I saw the biggest toad I have ever seen. I had gone out to just check in with the high school youth who are participating in the farming program the non-profit I work for offers each summer. I joined in for a bit in the weeding among the cabbages. There are weeds to pull because it is an organic farm, which means insects can live there. And when there are insects and cover, toads can live as happily as toads can, although their expressions don’t necessarily convey happiness very intensely. The toad was in the midst of the cabbages and weeds. Its back was dark, its eyes large. It didn’t seem very alarmed, perhaps because its dark skin made it blend in with the dark, rich soil of the fields? The youth around me seemed to take it all in stride. I’m glad they associate farming with wildlife.

My thought – Christian farming should be measured by productivity, quality of life, and how much the life that farm supports.

6. Finally, I need to say that Mayumi, our younger son, and I all visited a farm of a friend in southern Illinois a few weeks back. Like the Riemers, the farmer is grazing cattle in a way that mimicks how ruminants and the land can productively benefit each other. The land was absolutely beautiful. We saw an eastern meadowlark, a great blue heron, lush pastures that hold water and provide habitat, and healthy cattle. The farmer patiently shared with us the planning and effort that goes into stewarding the land so attentively. All of the fruits of the spirit are at work in his heart and mind as he farms. In his way, in his deeply rooted and deeply focused way, he is serving God with love and devotion. I am still moved at the memory of that tour and the life he and his wife have built.

Careful grazing can benefit woods like these. A great blue heron flew up out of the pond in these same woods about 30 yards away.

A herd will appreciate the shade of woods on hot summer days. This was a very curious herd, by the way.

7. I find myself praying for the love, strength, and wisdom of Jesus in all of my life.

I hope this finds you convinced of God’s love, filled with love and strength and wisdom, and living consciously and fully for God’s purposes. I’d love to hear what you are doing and what you are finding to be your purpose and focus, especially as they relate to God’s Creation.

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Racism, Water Scorpions and a Terrible Novel

Nathan Aaberg —  June 30, 2020 — Leave a comment

We live in such turbulent times. Unfolding climate chaos. The worldwide pandemic. And now, with the murder of George Floyd, boiling outrage over racist policing and other manifestations of the centuries-old racist stain that continues to mar the ideals of the United States.

What else can be said that others haven’t already said very eloquently?

I just have one humble thought. As we try to heal, we will sometimes need to do positive things together. And by positive things I mean tangible, limb-moving, calorie-burning, body-engaging things that are not self-conscious moments of conversation and reflection.

Talking and reflecting in heartfelt ways are, of course, incredibly important things. But actually doing things together is just as essential. Actions taken together can imbed new ways of thinking and feeling even deeper into our hearts, minds, and the very fiber of our being.

And what are things we can do that make us feel whole and just human together? I’d suggest any engagement with God’s earth in positive ways.

Birding. Making and enjoying food. Gardening. Farming. Restoration of natural areas.

Creation takes us out of our distinction-making mindset between people and reminds us we are one set of beings and we enjoy and depend on one world. Creation takes us beyond words and our head space.

And, ideally, in that activity in Creation there is an encounter wtih God, consciously or unconsciously, that leads to deep humility.

A Novel Idea

I want to give you fair warning – I have begun writing a novel. In it I plan to further explore the ideas I’ve been exploring in this blog.

While I’m moved by the power of story, I have almost no experience writing fiction. So, to get over paralzying hangups about doing this well, I have made my goal just this – complete the first draft of a very bad novel. I am happy to report that I am indeed on pace (a very slow pace) to write one of the worst novels ever written. I’m guessing in fact that the secret guardians of literary quality are already planning to treat this work the way Russian authorities treated Chernobyl – entomb it forever in concrete.

Am I being excessively humble?

Not really. My characters, for example, all speak like they were clones of each other. Actually, and what is even worse, I think they all speak like they were clones of me.

Despite all that, I’m doing my best to accept where I am and to just plug away. Over time I hope to build some craft. I have other story ideas, too, all of which grow out of my passion for the topic of the abundant life Jesus offers, including a new relationship with God’s earth.

We only grow when we are out beyond what feels comfortable and easy. What new things are you trying this year?

Water Scorpions

A friend and farmer here at the Prairie Crossing Farm in Grayslake recently saw an unusual insect while he was working in a vegetable field. The insect was nothing like he had ever seen. It was about four inches in length, including a long tube-like structure coming out of its back end. It flew away later with wings that emerged from under armored covering.

A water scorpion!

Water scorpions are not even closely related to real scorpions. Real scorpions are arachnids with eight legs, while water scorpions are insects with not a bit of venom. The tube-like structure is actually a breathing device that allows the water scorpion to hunt in its favorite hunting grounds – underwater. In fact, it can pack bubbles of air on its abdomen’s specialized breathing holes and then use the bubbles later like handy oxygen tanks.

There is so much more that is fascinating about these insect. I encourage you to read more about them here. This world is truly amazing.

Water scorpion on hand

Water scorpion (photo by Wim Rubers)

 

 

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Insights on Jeremiah 29:4-7

Nathan Aaberg —  March 24, 2019 — Leave a comment

Time is precious. Like Creation and all that we are blessed with, we should steward it carefully. We should number our days and even our hours and minutes.

This is why, in part, my philosophy on posting here is to err on the side of depth rather than frequency. (At least I hope I’m providing some depth!)

I do, however, come across good many articles and stories that I’d like to share with you.

An example is this piece, entitled Mangrove theology: Get stuck in and put down deep roots and written by Dave Bookless. It came to me through A Rocha International. Dave shares the insights he finds in Jeremiah 29:4-7 that relate to his own efforts to live out a Christian life that enriches rather than depletes God’s earth. And he makes a wonderful linkage between those ideas and deep-rooted mangroves.

I heartily encourage you to read it and explore more of Dave’s work.

I usually wouldn’t share an article like this through my blog. Through my Twitter account, however, I tweet links to articles and other news I believe are significant.

If you’d be interested in following me on Twitter, check me out here. Be assured. I’m not a tweeting machine. And you should know, in the spirit of full disclosure, the photo of me is very dated.

But if you follow me, you’ll come across some interesting, provocative thinking and information from around the world. I tend to tweet and retweet articles about what’s happening in the natural world and in the Christian world. I’m especially interested in where they overlap.

 

P.S. I know it’s a little contradictory to suggest you follow me on Twitter and also encourage you to be thoughtful with your time. In that spirit, I’d encourage you to check out two different resources on how to be thoughtful in your use of time. These can help be more focused on what matters most in your life, including your calling.

One resource is this article by Jake Knapp and John Zertasky that summarizes the main thoughts of their book Make Time: How to Focus on What Matters Everyday. The authors highlight the dangers of being sucked into what they call Infinity Pools. Infinity Pools are, to quote from the article, “…essentially apps and other digital sources of limitless, inexhaustible, constantly-replenishing content — whether it be information, entertainment or a bit of both.” Like YouTube, Facebook, and, yes, Twitter. Use them with great caution.

Along those lines, I suggest you check out the blog and work of Cal Newport. His latest book is Digital Minimalism, and he’s also written Deep Work, which I very much enjoyed.

His main themes in Deep Work are: (1) deep, concentrated work is where you will bring the most value to yourself and the world, and (2) social media, scattered busyness, and even open floor plan offices are dangerous distractions to that deep work.

Just as God sometimes prunes parts of our lives, we should proactively prune our time commitments. What is most important should get our full commitment. Do you struggle with this as I do?

 

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Where are the Stories?

Nathan Aaberg —  September 30, 2016 — Leave a comment

I just had a powerful literary experience.

I listened to James Lee Burke’s The Tin Roof Blowdown read by Will Patton.

This crime/mystery novel is set in New Orleans before, during, and after Hurricane Katrina and features Iberia Parish Sheriff’s Detective Dave Robicheaux and a cast of many other unique characters.

james-lee-burke-the-tin-roof-blowdown

It is harsh, brutal, and shattering. There were days when I could only listen to about 30 seconds and then had to wait until the next day to listen to a bit more because some of the scenes were so life-like in their rawness and so full of potential for tragic violence.

Yet, the story, especially with Will Patton’s skillful reading, is simultaneously eloquent, poetic, and richly layered. It is filled with wonderful evocations of the beauty of New Orleans’ bayous and live oaks. And there is a deft Christian sensibility to it as well.

Through the book, the tragedy of the impact of Hurrican Katrina on New Orleans, particularly on the most vulnerable, went from being abstractions that I had carefully inventoried away in back shelves of my mind to tangible, heartfelt wounds painfully etched in my imagination through details and characters and subplots of the story.

Where are the stories like this of our destruction of God’s world and the communities that depend on it?

Where are the stories of Christians perpetrating this?

Where are the stories of Christians trying to heal and shepherd God’s living world?

I want to read those kinds of stories. I realize I want to write them.

Would they make a difference?

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